Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
