I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
