I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
