So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
