Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
