I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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