This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
