I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Two words: nipple clamps
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