i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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