ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
