So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
