we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
