does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
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