Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
