just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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