I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
