Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I deserve this hangover.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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