One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
