I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
