1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Are we still banned from the library?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
