i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
