trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
