shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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