If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
