Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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