Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
