you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
