Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
