so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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