Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
