we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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