don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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