yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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