And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
