im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize