Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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