he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
