we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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