so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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