am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
