I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
