you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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