So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
