I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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