Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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