My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
