Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
