Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
