Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
