and you said cock pushups were impossible
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
