i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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