When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Found your dick twin last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
