Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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