Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
