I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
did i just pee glitter
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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