yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize