I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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