You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
