saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Are we still banned from the library?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
