there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You have to summon your inner elephant
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
