i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
