my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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