You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
