After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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