I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
