My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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