it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
