so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Randomize
