Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I need to stop coming to work sober
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
