In the future we'll all be gay
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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