Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
