I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
