Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
