I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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