The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
BRING THE BAGELS
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
