Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize