guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize