I'm going to jail i love you
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
