He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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