you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
