I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
