first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
