I look better un-naked...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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