Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
