Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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